Let's be clear.
Being my own authority doesn't mean I have any authority over you. In truth, I don't know what you are being guided to do. I will never know what you are being guided to do. I do know that I have a relationship with my own guidance, my heart. And you will never know what that guidance is, unless I choose to tell you.
I have heard often in yoga, and I'm sure I've said it myself, "the mind screams, and the heart whispers." This separation of mind and heart only created conflict in my body and mind and was very misleading for me for years. I can only speak from my own experience and my experience is this... my heart screams. You better believe it does when it needs to. The heart will do whatever it needs to do to get our attention. So yes... my heart screams.
My guidance is never out of range. Your guidance is never out of range. It's always here speaking to you through feelings, nudges and winks. It's always here. For me when I'm not listening.... storms form in my chest. Like thunder and lightening.
You don't know what I pray for. You don't know what my heart aches for. I don't know what you pray for in the quiet moments of your life. Sometimes we think we are praying for the same thing to only later to find out we want something so completely different.
I've had a storm in my chest for days.... I knew what I was being guided to do. It was the last thing i wanted to hear. Who want's to hear bad news? I used to hear the screams of my heart and use my mind to "let it go" or to shift my perspective. Whatever it took for the person on the other end to stay in my life. This type of practice only led me to the floor on my knees and in pain. Deep soul pain. And that person, the one I tried to keep in my life was out anyway and now it seems we hurt each other more than we both wanted to.
RESPECT. It comes from the word "specere" which means to look. So Re-spect literally means to look again. And again, and again. What repeats again and again? This guidance that i cried for hours in my pillow about... repeated itself, again and again.... and again. This time I had the strength to do it. I did what I was guided to do. It feels like a football time out. Maybe for a little, maybe forever. I don't know. I can only feel what is right for me now. And this is it. Because it didn't work out, this whatever it was makes neither of us wrong. It doesn't change the magic we made together when we did. That Love was real. Love is constantly moving... and the only way I know how to live now is to listen to my ever screaming heart.
When I do... immediately my heart becomes quiet. Like right now.
I can hear a pin drop.
I love you!